conversations with annalisa podcast

We're always told relationships need work, but how do you know when yours is over or does, indeed, need working at? In this episode Annalisa Barbieri and I looked at how a good relationship should make you feel, the signs that it may be beyond repair and how to better communicate your needs.

Annalisa is the ‘brilliant, insightful and wise’ agony aunt and journalist and this part of a series of exclusive conversations between her and the trusted specialists she’s consulted over the years. This series of podcasts by Annalisa reached number 3 in Apple’s general podcast chart and number 1 in their Society and Culture chart in July 2021.

I’m also really pleased to have had Annalisa on as a guest on my own podcast, which you can listen to here.

Vanessa feltz show on talktv

Was really pleased to be invited on to the Vanessa Feltz show on TalkTVUK about the effects ‘phubbing’, i.e. when we prioritise our phones over paying attention to the important people around us.

Most things are fine in balance of course, but I think we need to bear in mind that phones can be an ‘exit’ from relationships and the effects this might have on such a key potential contributor to our wellbeing.

Stress: Are you addicted to it?

Contributed to this article for RTE Ireland for Stress Awareness Week about potential stress addiction and ways to manage stress.

Happiful i am. I HAVE podcast on managing DEPRESSION

Happiful magazine

I joined the podcast to talk about depression, what depression can be, how it can feel and what we can do to start to address depression in a way that works for us.

‘This is a wonderful compassionate conversation about depression, both for people who experience it and for those who are looking to understand more and perhaps support a friend or loved one.’

why do we ignore relationship red flags?

I wrote this piece for Happiful Magazine about why we might endure, or even deny, significant problems in a relationship in order to remain with a person.

I also recorded a video reading the original copy I submitted to the magazine here and have since recorded a series of 3 YouTube videos all about red flags: firstly, what they are, secondly, why we might not see them and thirdly, how we can navigate red flags.

TOXIC POSITIVITY IS ON THE RISE

THE INDEPENDENT

Ever since Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret became an international bestseller, people have been obsessed with the power of positive thinking. The book gained fame for popularising the ‘Law of Attraction’ – the idea that thinking negatively or positively can attract more of these things into our lives. I contributed to this piece in the Independent about the issue of toxic positivity. I’ve also recorded a short YouTube video on the issue here.

is it time for a change of career?

Piece written for Counselling Directory about trusting your feelings, yourself and others when considering a change of career.

How to feel connected to your bisexuality when you’re in a ‘straight’ relationship

I contributed to this piece in the Metro about how bisexual people in seemingly ‘straight’ relationships (i.e., relationships with someone of a different gender to their own), can find it hard to navigate appearing to be one thing and, well, being another.

I’ve also subsequently recorded two YouTube videos on bisexuality: video 1 and video 2.

9 ways to be more POSITIVE in the new year for the telegraph

I contributed to this piece in the Telegraph about ways to be more ‘positive’ throughout the year:

‘New Year’s Eve may be the traditional marker for self-reflection and making plans for the future, but can you harness that magic at any time? The benefits of positivity are far-reaching, including reduced stress, increased motivation, more energy, a stronger immune system, and better relationships. So, don’t wait until January 1 to start working on it – follow these tips to be more positive in 2024.’

Banter: Does it do more harm than good?

Having ‘good banter’ seems aspirational, even venerated, at the moment. In this Counselling Directory article I look at the possible issues around banter and how helpful it is. Is it that teasing strengthens healthy relationships? Or is it that a relationship is healthy despite the teasing?

I’ve also recorded a YouTube video on the subject here.

why kindness and CONNECTION are IMPORTANT

I wrote this piece for UKCP about why establishing and maintaining connections are so fundamental to our wellbeing.

I also recorded a video about connection and the importance of bearing safety in mind too here.

loneliness

I contributed to this page on the Marmalade Trust’s website about loneliness, with a particular focus on men and loneliness. It talks about why men might be less likely to come to therapy and goes on to provide lots of practical detail about how loneliness can be overcome. Lots of the detail about overcoming loneliness is of course relevant to people generally and not only men. I also recorded a YouTube video about overcoming loneliness here.

PSYCHOLOGIES PODCAST

I recorded a podcast with UKCP CEO Sarah Niblock for Psychologies Magazine about the effect of constant ‘bad news’ media and social media on our wellbeing:

With negative news stories and posts online dominating the headlines and our social feeds, how can we stop it affecting our mental wellbeing?

I’ve also recorded a short YouTube video about the issue here.

Anger: Keep cool under pressure

UNITY (MAThieu flamini and mesut ozil’s brand)

Think mindfulness is happy-clappy nonsense or a pseudoscience fad? Think again. Used by some of the world’s top athletes – LeBron James and Christiano Ronaldo swear by it – mindfulness is simply the ability to be fully aware of your thoughts and feelings and accept the world around you without judgement.

The cost of living crisis could see a rise in cheating

I contributed to this piece in the Metro about whether the economic crisis could usher in a new age of relationship breakdowns – thanks to the strain of financial stress.

#alphamales on tik tok

the face

Self-professed “alphas” are racking up millions of views on the platform, as they dish out dating advice. I contributed to this piece by Beth Ashley in the Face about the issue generally and particularly the harm it might do.

Coronavirus: How much news is too much?

BBC WORKLIFE

Constant notifications on your phone. TV news specials and debates in place of your favourite sports show. WhatsApp and Messenger stacking up with Covid-19 articles your former flatmate or estranged aunt just “had to share”. Sound familiar?

10 ways to happiness

HONEST MUM WEBSITE

Attention on the good and gratitude - because your brain just isn’t naturally going to turn any happy experiences into pathways you can go back to, you need to do that yourself, whenever you can, by deliberately remembering them. A ‘gratitude practice’ is also important - nothing heavy, just think of three things each day that you’re grateful for. To include aspects of your body in this is also a great way to improve body image.

living with someone with anxiety

BREATHE MAGAZINE

The trouble is, because we’re all programmed to survive rather than to be happy, we’re likely to spend a lot of our time in the safety-checking ‘anxious’ part of ourselves, rather than the ‘calm and alive’ state we’re all happiest in. This anxious part automatically identifies, even imagines, endless flaws, problems and slights. To worry is therefore automatic, whilst calming ourselves takes practice and is learned as we grow up. And for many of us, healthy soothing from our original caregivers wasn’t as present as it could have been.

BURNOUT

FASHION BEANS WEBSITE

Burnout is the term used to describe what you’re likely to experience if you’re under too much work stress, too consistently, over too long a period of time; where you’ve run out of the physical, emotional and mental resources required to perform your job in the way you want and need to.

I also recorded a YouTube video about burnout and avoiding it here.

7 WAYS TO SET BOUNDARIES

FEMALE FIRST WEBSITE

Internally, you might see boundaries as the thinking, feeling and behavioural lines you draw for yourself to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Externally, they’re the, similarly invisible, line you draw at the point where you end and another person begins – your guidelines on how it’s okay for others to behave towards you and how you’ll behave towards them.

body dysmorphia

HEALTHY FOR MEN MAGAZINE

Body dysmorphia is a condition where someone has a pretty constant fear of, and is therefore compulsively preoccupied by minor, even non-existent, ‘flaws’ in their body and how it appears to others. As is the case with anything fear focuses on, it completely distorts the person’s perception of whatever it’s looking at. The fear can focus on any part of the body, often the face and head as these are the parts most visible to others.